She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
