She went from zero to smokin in five shots
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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