you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
