literally had 100 drinks last night.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
