I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
