dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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