At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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