I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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