I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
