Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
