when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
