You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
