My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize