Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
