just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
