I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
