Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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