You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
