Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
