the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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