i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
