just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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