He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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