if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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