there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
