Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
