you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
