Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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