dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
