You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
