It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I didn't shave. On purpose
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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