And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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