You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
