3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your penis caused this!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
