I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
