I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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