First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
