He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
