Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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