For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
