I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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