I'm lost and stupid without you.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
