Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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