Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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