i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
