I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize