areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
