he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize