I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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