At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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