4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how can u be prego again
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
