I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
