vagina is talking i cant
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
