If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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