Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
