so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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