I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I enjoy the company of your penis
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
