There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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