you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
