dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
