I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
