Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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