he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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