I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
