My hand turned me down
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
