I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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