if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
