We're like a lot better than the average bears
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my shit smells like andre
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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