Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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